The year 2015 was really filled in emotions for me. It was on the theme of “improvement” and “change”. I went over my boundaries, physically as much as on a personal level. I mostly overcame many of my fears. I healed so many wounds. I grew up. And I took the time to do it. I hence arrive a bit “ late” on this start of February 2016, late but also ahead of so many things. I made important choices and took decisions that changed my life, and this, on the long term. I Went from the step “ just dismissed, but not sure of what I want; actually, yes I do, but I’m too scared”, “ foot surgery but it will never happen, “I don’t feel good about myself” to reach this point today” I know what I want, why I want it, and I have faith in myself”. A real assault course, which I know I’m not the only one to live with daily.
Here is the retrospective of 2015, that in spite of all the hard ordeals, revealed it self to be one of the most rewarding of my life.
Surgery on both of my foot, for my congenital condition, Hallus Valgus. A big esthetic complex to start with, an unbearable pain in the end: I could almost not walk and stand up without pain anymore. A massive frustration for someone active like me It was long and painful, and, as of today, I still suffer from post surgical pain, but I regret nothing, other than not having done it sooner.
the time confined in bed being so long, I had all the spare time to sort out my Scotland pictures…and to start posting them on my blog! Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, part 4 (click here!). Apart from resting, making long, painful two ways trips to my physiotherapist, nothing fascinating happened during this month…apart from my hair turning PINK!
That month, I was lucky enough to be able to parade on stage for Clara Maeda. It was a triple challenge for m: my feet were hurting me so much, I wasn’t much at ease (which can be seen on the fashion show’s video); with the medication, anesthesia and the lack of exercise, I took weight around that time, and my acne suddenly worsened… I was feeling a bit under the weather… But I had a lovely weekend in Monaco, with adorable people, soothed by Yaneka’s music, in the most beautiful clothing (thank you Clara!). I regained a bit of self confidence, I went beyond my limits, as much physically than mentally. But my confidence did not last long, as I finally erased the post about this weekend, as I could not stand to see myself on these pictures, always thinking” I’m the group’s ugly duckling, everyone can see it….”But don’t worry, I was able to get over it, and I hope to restart this post over the next few days. Especially as in three weeks, I will go back to Monaco, with the same dream team!
This month chimed the end of my sick leave (which does not mean the end of physiotherapy, swollen feet and tiredness…). This is also the month of re-assessment, on a personal and professional point of view. This month, I became officially “unemployed”, and I was utterly lost. What will I do with my life? It was also during these few weeks that I decided to forget about my association (even through I had already handed in my dismissal a few months ago), and to never invest myself again in the Lolita community. I also started to question myself on my clothing style. Days contemplating my overflowing wardrobe, while asking myself “oh why?”…
It was the reunion with my friend LostFish, whom I had not seen for a long time. We went together to Solies Vintage Market, where I was able to see so many friends. And notably spent some time posing under the lens of Laura Sauvage. This time spent at my friend helped me to get things straight in my life. I decided to live it to the fullest. I started to spend my time writing in a tearoom. I wanted to indulge, thanks to my friend, Eglantine, with whom I learned meditation. It was a rather relaxing month where I stopped asking myself too many questions, and releasing all this pressure.
End of May/June:
I witnessed two important moments”: the first, a compulsive appointment with my Job seekers advisor, which results in a “business creation” workshop” during the day. The second was my participation to the south vintage festival, with “The Four Horsemen” collective, of which I will give you more details another time. But these two events had a real repercussion a month later, in June. After going to my studio, I started to throw myself fully in my artistic projects, and my blog. Thanks to my friend Eglantine, I started to work on my project with Juliette. And finally finished my portfolio, who came to life thanks to a crowd funding campaign, and started to send it to my contributors, going past my fear: the one of disappointing them, and in a way, fear of failing.
July, August and September:
I collect those three months together, as I did almost the same during this lapse of time. Resting, pampering myself, restarting sport, working on my project, writing (a lot, while drinking liters of water), and enjoying the time spent with my friends and my family. Oh, and we also went back to Scotland. How lucky, isn’t it? I cannot wait to talk about this new trip, late again 😉 See more: Giverny, By The Shore of The Pond.
I went back to Blonde! I started yoga (I mean, in a regular way this time). I took a few important appointments….one to heal my acne, really, and another one to take a rather important and scary test… to know if I bear the breast cancer gene, and if I’m high risk…like my mother. I battled to get a more thorough monitoring of my professional objectives. I told myself, at that moment, nothing ventured, nothing gained. And I will do the necessary so it works!
By the way, the 31st in the evening, I published my first novel on Amazon Kindle.
The blog and the site are building up, not fast enough but I wrote a few posts… I took part in a few events I cannot wait to talk about with you, and to show you the pictures. I started my professional monitoring, but took the decision promptly: I wanted to be part of a business incubator. I took appointments with a few of them. Time went by so quickly. I posted my last two outfits with pinky hair! See more HERE and HERE.
The “new” blog was launched, but I still couldn’t bring myself to start it, I was simply not satisfied. But I worked on it! I took a few pictures with my friend, Messalyn, to help myself with finding back my style…I had my long awaited appointment for my acne problems, and I quickly felt like I was back to life after one week, I already noticed an improvement…
All in all to end the year with a great Christmas and New Year’s eve…dancing!!!
Yes indeed, on the very same foot, which one year ago were just undergoing an operation. And I made wishes, or rather a promise: 2016 will be the year of success, however big is the mountain of work and difficulties awaiting for me on the journey…. It deserves this “retrospective” blog, isn’t it? And here you realize, just like me, it took me a month to deliver this article. I think there is a gap in the space-time continuum, that’s it…It’s the only valuable reason coming to my mind. Where did January 2016 go? Thank you for reading this long post, way too long indeed. I will make it shorter and much more fun next time! I swear!